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ThoughtsOnline

Friday, December 15, 2006


Not that I think I was one of the Virginia bloggers targeted by the Webb campaign, but like Jon Henke, I figure it might be wise to make a little pre-emptive disclosure of my past...

I was an avid practicioner of the 'five finger discount' all through elementary school and well into my high school years, stopping only when I hit the magic age at which the police stopped smiling at my antics...

There were an awful lot of people to whom I wasn't the nicest, some of whom I regret never apologizing for my behavior, some of whom deserved what I dished out...

And like Jon, I too sometimes drove too fast, especially when the police were in a position to watch me...

But unlike jon, I was the mastermind of a gang of bank robbers, responsible for well over 30 heists over a six year period, with a total take of upwards of $3.6 million...

I headed up an elite assassination squad for our government, eliminating with prejudice, sometimes extreme, sometimes not, over 23 enemies of our country (alas, I could never could hit the 2 dozen needed for a pension)...

And I blackmailed and bribed - sometimes at the same time - over 32 Congressmen and Senators to enact legislation - usually in the form of earmarks - that benefitted me and my associates to the tune of over $760 million...

That's pretty much it... at least the stuff worth mentioning...

UPDATE: Not sure how I could have forgotten, but I also was a major financier of 18 'adult entertainment' films... and had a walk-on role in 3 of them.